Its like the sand
slipping from my hand
so I hold it tight
so it slips
so I hold tighter

someday a few grains will remain
like a million memories

10th April 2013

Every relationship comes with a 'fine print'
sometimes the fine print is purposely made too fine to read
and other times you purposely want to ignore it

Life in Cartoon motion

Sometimes I yearn for fairy tales

for animation movies with magic and sweet endings

sometimes i just don't want the harsh reality

the insensitive hearts, the liar lips

and wish I could live in one of those sweet movies, be a character there,

see the night sky with magical twinkling stars

Wish to have friends like there in the movies

helping in any damn problem

and I wish I had problems that could be dealt with

just like in the movies

A Cruela or a monster would have been just fine!

***

so there I was

in front of the mirror

combing my hair

wearing a dress that would make me look somewhat slim

putting on mascara

and lipstick

No, not for him...

getting ready to meet

the woman he has been seeing for last 3.5 years

***

Mumbai Local

Mumbai locals hold a whole world inside

Today morning I met an old sister. She asked me if ladies compartment stops at certain place. I wasn't sure coz I'm not used to trains so much.
I told her a tentative spot. After buying a newspaper I saw her reaching the spot with another lady.
I smiled with the sister and stood there. The lady, in her late 30s stood without any expression.
In Mumbai people don't speak to each other very easily. Not for any other reason but I guess the minds are already so crowded, people find it difficult to it. Why would anyone like add another thing to think for.
Three of us stood there without saying a word. in our own thoughts.
In-between unconsciously somehow I looked at the face of the lady. There was a tear in it. And she was trying her best to stop it.
It fell down and she wiped her eye.
Yeah, in another open world I would've gone and held her by her shoulder and asked her if everything was ok. And in another world she wud've spoken heart to me too...
In this world I gave her some space by not looking at her...

In the train I helped the old sister to get a seat and carried her bag in, which was a bit heavy.

As the women started pouring in on each station, the sister was getting worried about how she'll get down. I assured her I would help her.

I asked her what she does.
She doesn't do anything now. She can't see properly. Can't read, can't see faces clearly and can't even stitch a button on her dress. So now she takes care of the garden. And she prays. For all the people of this world.

I wish she has the lady in her prayers today.

***

I got a call on my desk.
‘Whose no. is it? I got a missed call from here’
I knew I hadn’t made any calls that day.
‘When did you receive the call?’
‘Some time back’
‘Your name?’
‘This is Shyam from Bangalore’
I tried to figure out if I did make any calls to any candidates for interview…
Ok. I understood. He is a junior of mine from the institute, now living in with his girlfriend, also his batch mate. They must be together now for more than 6/7 years.
I had called her almost a month back and she had called me too regarding some urgent work. After that we haven’t spoken.
‘Shyam, hi, its me. it must be a call from last month…’
‘Oh yea, ok, I din’t check the date in a hurry. How are you, whats up etc.’

I get the picture alright.
Shyam must’ve found my no. in her cell phone bill and he was only spying on her.

Men. They are all the same.

***

The Taj

I've been longing to see the Taj Mahal since years.
Made plans many times and reached till Delhi but somehow couldn't go ahead. Guess there had to be a time when I would see it.
So finally it was time.
So far whenever I though of seeing the Taj I always thought of it as beautiful, marvelous and thought I would be spellbound when I see it. Or I imagined I would even have tears in my eyes looking at the white monument of love.
When I actually saw it... it was nothing like that.
Beautiful? Yes.
Marvelous? Yes.
But that's all.
Or probably I needed to spend more time with it to really understand it.
Guess I needed to be with it to know how beautiful it is, to let it speak to me and touch me.

The Taj... I do find it like love. You get too close and it surrounds you so much, you can't see. You give distance, let it be on its own and then you can actually see for what it is.
The beauty of the Taj isn't in the monument. But go little away, see it with the landscape, on the banks of Yamuna or in a landscape filled with people doing their chores and suddenly you feel it, it speaks to you, touches you and you love it.




***

Helpless

A helpless feeling
to see someone sleeping without food
tonight, and night after night

To see an adolescent getting beaten up by her own family
for the immature mistake she made

Its a helpless feeling to see a sad face
early on a sunny morning
a face lost in its own story
aloof from the surroundings
a sad face
worrying that another day's started
without a single hope

***

She

She haunts me
my every moment
She haunts me and doesn't even know it

In my dreams and when I wake up
when I cook
and when I eat
and when I leave some food in the plate just coz I'm too full, or simply coz I din't like it..?

That night she told me she hadn't had anything since yesterday noon

I doubt if she has had any food before that

I donno if she sleeps hungry even tonight

I feel so selfish, and so evil
when I wear different clothes everyday
and a bag and shoes to match

I see the city girls going anorexic
and I see her frail swaying body unable to stand
all that’s left of her is bones and skin

I feel guilty for all the little comforts I take for granted

She haunts me with her large big eyes
so deep and so wide as if they never close

She sleeps in a dark alley
An alley full of parked trucks
An alley where I'm afraid to go even in the daylight

While looking for her I asked the truck drivers around if they saw a girl around
They said yes, there is an old woman sleeping there
An old woman? Why can't I see if she's really old?
Doesn't she age?

I asked her what she wants...
such a vague question... there could have been many answers...money.. a ticket to her home town may be...
anything a poor lonely frail body on a footpath can think of

she asked for nothing but a gown.
a long night gown.
so she doesn't have to worry about the blouse going off the boney shoulder
or the torn petticoat

Is she mad?
May be not
Certainly not.
She knows what she needs and exactly what she needs.
just a handful of food and a night gown.

***

Suddenly there’s so much space around and so much time
I run through the empty rooms searching for my echo

***